How can you feel worthy when you’ve been shown your whole life that you are not unimportant, unlovable, unworthy of someone’s time? What do you do when abuse is so natural to you that you don’t even know when it’s happening to you?
Typical story of mom leaving dad. I was 3. My mom moved my older brother and I from LES to Long Island, where we lived with my nana and grandpa during the summers and during the winters my mom moved us from town to town. Never able to maintain friendships, suffering for we didn’t stay in the same school for more than a year.
My mother was a single mother and my older brother and I grew up as “latch key kids”. Coming home, doing our homework by ourselves, eating burned grilled cheese sandwiches or bowls of cereal for dinner. We didn’t know it was a problem until she wasn’t around to protect us.
When I was in kindergarten my mother moved her new boyfriend in. Day 1 he treated my older brother like a punching bag and later, at night would linger into my bed and lay on top of me, gyrating, reeking of angel dust and booze.
Because of my childhood trauma I grew up with so much anger, so much resentment, no self-worth. Like many who grow up in difficult circumstances I chose a path riddled with alcohol, drugs, sex and petty crime.
How could anyone find their worth in such circumstances?
The broken are the more evolved
I was shown at a very early age, a crucial age that I wasn’t worth loving, I was nothing, treated like an object. My father never…ever looked for me. My mother didn’t treat me as a priority. My life was filled with uncertainty and fear.
Many of us grow up in circumstances we didn’t choose or ask for. Absentee fathers. Sexual abuse. Fear. Neglect. Alcohol and drug abuse. Violence.
Now what!? You are bigger than your circumstances no matter how big they are. “If only I had this or I never got that or my situation is different”. When I did meet my father at the age of 22 I realized my life wouldn’t have been any better.
Don’t use your past as an excuse. Look at your past circumstances as what you came through, how strong you are that you made it through. My circumstances are what gave me my strength. My resiliency. My desire to love and treat everyone I meet with respect and kindness comes from those circumstances. My past is what showed me how bad I needed to declare my worth. Tired of taking what was given to me, settling.
We are spiritual beings living a human experience. Our spirit is pure energy and energy can not be broken. Our spirit is unbreakable!
We have incredible strength within ourselves and we have the power to release and harness it. How do we tap into such power? How do we find our worth? How do we get past our past and grow?
Speak it ’til you believe it
I looked in the mirror every day and went from my head to my toes saying out loud what I loved about myself. Honestly, I didn’t love any and everything about myself and this exercise was extremely difficult. I had to adopt an attitude of gratitude.
Because of my mixed heritage, my skin is very fair. This is something I’ve always struggled with growing up, wanting darker skin so people would recognize my blackness. So to look in the mirror and love my skin…brought tears, still brings tears to my eyes.
We must change our mindset about ourselves.
I’ve learned that the two most powerful words in the English vocabulary are – I AM.
I am strong. I am resilient. I am beautiful. I am lovable. I am loved. I am worthy. I am powerful. I am worthy of success. I am worthy of wealth. I am worthy of a life filled with abundance.
It took time, a lot of inner soul searching, fighting through years of resentment, pain, struggle and tears to get to where I am now…inside. But you know what?
I did it. I did it on my own, by myself. You can too.
Make the decision to change how you see yourself. Here are some tips that help me:
- Tell yourself every minute, every day, any chance that you are amazing inside and out.
- Instead of looking at the bad that happened, look at how that something didn’t break you but made you stronger.
- Fight for your happiness. Even if nobody fought for you your whole life, if you were neglected and abused, unloved. You are worth fighting for. Think about it, maybe the only one strong enough to fight for you is you, and no better time is now.
- Think positive thoughts. Pray. Visualize completed goals, big and small and then give yourself a hug when you crossed it off your list or marked it done!
- Don’t stress over trying to find the balance between family and career. Your dreams will happen. Don’t expect it to happen overnight.
Create your life by building a better you. No more excuses. You are worth it.